Desexing yourself as a celebrity homosexual is a survival technique, an easier pathway to global success. She typifies an award-winning brand of palatable nonsexual homosexuality, much like the low-carb Malibu Kens of the Queer Eye franchise who benignly tsunami through a straight guy’s life, douching his wardrobe, skin care, and personality. On a wider level, she’s become one of many faces of easy gayness, the kind that makes people feel nothing below the waist. As the internet goads us into a polarized state, Ellen unifies us in an unconscious apathy.
As easy listening as elevator music, as undistracting as the Note music A C A B shirt it is in the first place but glass in your windows. She’s a scoop of vanilla or a mild cheddar. She’s marketed to garner no strong opinions. I’ve never had a strong opinion on Ellen, but that’s sort of her brand.
